Sunday, August 21, 2011

finally, i post again

So I have been losing weight. today and yesterday i have kinda eaten a lot. but im going to quit eating. i need control. I thought i was actually skinny. I have so much to write about! I got some 0 L AE khaki pants and they are loose now. my 3L hollister jeans are becoming loose too. the boot cut ones are really loose though. I ate though. i feel like all that i have lost doesnt even matter though. i ate like 1500 cal. throughout today and yesterday. I cant anymore though. I told my mom not to take me to get food till next weekend. so I have 2 little frozen vegetable things and 2 apples and an avocado.  I'm going to have my avocado tomorrow. maybe fast tuesday and wednesday. I will probably have my apples thursday and friday. I can save my frozen things obviously since they are frozen haha. but yea. i will do this. i love being skinny. I know i can do it. It is possible. I weighed about 121 this morning and probably about 124 now... but itll go down. I'll try and post wednesday to update everthing!

But for now, I will keep blogging. School is great! aside from all the work. AP chemistry sucks! but oh well. I'll get through it. I met this guy, C. He and i have been iming all weekend. He likes me.  lol idk how things will go though. Just gotta wait and see. But me and D are good too. We've established that we are FWB now lol.

Oh and I am doing that skit thingy lol Staying after school tomorrow to practice it. idk if D will be there, since he has football practice, but yea... and our first home football game is Friday and I'm going and probably hanging out with C there. should be fun.

I took some thinspo pics the other day!

I'll be taking more this coming weekend ;)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Just cant get away.

One of the classes I had changed, turns out I have it with D! I saw him today. I was in my seat and he was standing by his looking at me with a sad face. I just sat there for a second and he didnt move, so I got up and talked to him. I guess we are ok now? we hugged :) I missed his hugs. The only time I usually get hugs is from him. Well. I guess thats all. See how things go tomorrow and the rest of the year in tht class together... well its technically two. but anyways yea. So I'm doing a fast with my friend Brittany :) She has blogs too so you should check them out!

Well we started the fast yesterday afternoon and gonna try and go till Saturday! I've done good so far! Havent eaten anything, or even wanted to eat anything. I just want to be skinny! :) I think I said a while ago I was going to do thinspo, but never did :/ I'll put some up tomorrow afternoon! I'll finally be the weekend! :)

Good luck and stay strong like always! :)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

WTF is this????

Okay so in 9th grade i had this class. we always had to preform these little skits about different countries. well this girl just texted me about how our teacher wants us to preform one of the skits to her class. I met D in that class. We were in the same group then! me and him will have to be there... together! wtf?!?!?! this kind of shit doesnt happen to me, its like my life has gotten interesting and idk what to do! I'm all nervous im just shaking now. Like shit. I have no idea how this will play out. One, I dont want to do that damn skit. I think I remember having to do something stupid during it, idk though also I dont know what to do with D! Or if I will have a chance to do anything. So far this has definitely been the most interesting school year of my life already... the first day isnt even over yet! Fuck. I hate surprises. maybe this will be a good one? I dont know. ahh this is so going to bother me.... and oh! i take psychology with that same teacher... maybe she'll tell me more about it tomorrow when she sees im in her class again. i have no idea though. I need to sleep. It's almost midnight and I can't sleep  :( tomorrow is going to be a hard day. :/

First day.

Welp I ate. Luna bars of course. I only have like 3 small ones left. I should just throw them away. Once they are all gone, I usually don't crave it. So after this I should be good to eat an apple and water.

Aside from food, school today (1st day back) was pretty shitty. I'm supposed to have 4 classes. They only gave me 2, but this morning I got a new schedule and they gave me 3. That third one was... get ready for this..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................FUCKING CHIOR!!!!!!!!  I dont fucking sing! I never once signed up for a choir class. Fuck that. I also had no 5th block... like um? where the hell am I supposed to go?

One of my friends is in choir so I was with her most the time. until they had to sing. I told the teacher upfront that I was not supposed to be in there and that I can't sing. She said I could just watch. So I was. Then the teacher I had for my 2nd block came in there and asked why I wasnt doing anything. Then they made me go up with everyone else and sing. I just mouthed that crap though. I couldnt even read the music! I barely saw any words. That shit sucked! Well I had lunch with my bff and also... D and K. Speaking of D, I saw him this morning, like we were right infront of each other. He sorta smiled? I just kinda ignored him, cause I knew if he wanted to talk to me, then he would, but he didn't. It was good to see him though, even though things are sort over... but idk why. I tried to tell him something about his gf, he didnt want to hear it, I was like ok. That shouldnt end a friendship. Maybe he'll get over it. but K was such a slut. she noticed I was sitting right beside D (10 seats in between both of us, each of those being empty) and got all slutty humpy bitchy grossness.

Well anyways, I went to the library after lunch to get a 5th block. I got my schedule all changed so I have the classed I need now, not want. I got 3 new classes, I went to my 5th block one today. I have to like basically start all over again tomorrow with 2 new classes. that sucks. everyone know what to do know and idk wtf to do! thats so embarrassing (not knowing what to do).

Well, I think thats about it. I can't say I won't eat, but I can say I don't want to eat. I'll just have to see how things go tomorrow.

Day by day, that lbs will fade.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The weight must come off.

I guess feelings of no food and anger dont last long. I'm over D. I ate like A LOT. By the end of August I will be 115. I just have to do this. I'm not eating anything else this week, or as long as I can go besides an apple and water. I want to be 120 by mid next week. I have to reach that. I don't know why I keep eating and stopping myself from achieving my goals. I will do this. I won't let myself or you guys down, because I know ya'll are looking forward to the updated piercing picture. I know I am.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Okay. It ended.

D finally texted me back. I couldnt even tell him the stuff I needed to. He was just like I dont want to talk about it anymore and that I shouldnt be talking to R and blah blah blah. Then he was like I hope we can still be friends. I said okay, whatever. And then he said wow thats it. And I said yep. And that was it. Me and D will probably never speak again. Good thing I detached all emotion a while ago or else I'd be so depressed. Now I'm just mad. I wanted to run and listen to the song Ty Cobb. My damn belly piercing hurts when I run though and I dont want it to reject. So I just listened to the song. A lot. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fast the rest of the week. I dont want to eat. Won't want to now. School starts tomorrow. That hurts to say. I'm not ready. I dont want to see D. or K. Especially not D. but whatever maybe one day he'll see what he's missing out on and I wont want him like I did.

The drama never ends.

Okay here are the people in this story, just to make things simpler.
R-guy I text and likes me. In college though.
D-guy I like with the gf.
K-^ the gf. and my ex bff. I have a lot of shit and drama with her.

Okay so R had talking to K quite a bit when me and her were friends for a month or 2 in 9th grade, her and D were dating then too. (There is way to much to explain here!) Well last night I was texting R. I asked him is K had ever sent him any dirty pics. He said she did. He told me what and a lot of stuff she said she'd do with him if she was single. Well I told D, who is not only the guy I like, but a pretty close friend of mine, that she wasnt so loyal and that she did that stuff. D didn't believe me! He said he'd ask K about it later and that I shouldn't be talking to R and stuff. I told him not to change the subject and such, but after like the exchange of 6 txts he never responded. He hasn't texted me today either. :/ Well right before D stopped replying I told him that R had just sent me some messages that I could forward to him and he might believe me. Never responded. Well those txts said how on R's bday K and her friend visited him at work and she made him buy her a PREGNANCY test! (Now at this time aside from all the nervous shaking that was happening I was freaking out! Like OMG!) Well turns out she wasnt really pregnant, but yea and she was all grinding on him that day, while she was still going out with D! Also the nasty shit she wanted to do with R. That bitch is such a slut. Wanting to get fucked in the ass and having it feel so good.... what a whore. She had a BF!

Well I guess thats the end of the story. I couldnt finish the drama because D never texted me back. He has to talk to me sooner or later and he will believe me. Thats when some real drama will start between me him and his gf probably. UGH

If you read/followed any of that then yea that is a big deal to me. The most memorable night this whole summer. School starts Wednesday. I fucking ate today. Fucking food. I swear I gained 10 lbs, I tried running, but my belly piercing wasn't getting along with the running. I can't have that reject. I was angry thinking about how D never responded so I really wanted to run. I'm fasting tomorrow since I didnt today. I'm also going to breakfast (which I wont eat and say it is because there is nothing vegan... love being vegan :)) and to this bowling alley and arcade with my sister her bf and this other college guy that really really likes me. I don't know what to do about him though! I like him, but he wants something more serious then I do since I'm only 15, and I've told him that before, but I dont know. :/ Also today is his bday and I'm seeing him tomorrow. We might kiss? He would be my first kiss if we do. I hope I don't mess that up!

Anyways enough of that. If you again happened to actually read all of that then thank you! :)

Be positive and stay strong! You can lose it. Weight is only temporary. It will come off. We will be skinny!

Sunday, August 7, 2011


Went shopping. Got some school uniform pants. I hate uniforms! Mine is so strict!
-white undershirt or gray only!
-while polo. has to be tucked into
-khaki pants
-NO HOODIES!! they added this rule this year cause people werent wearing polos under them. ugh! But whatever we can wear to not be so damn cold has to be white, gray, or black.

That's what we wear every fucking day. For 3 years!!!!!

1year down, 2 to go. Shit.

Well I tried on some Hollister khaki pants. 3 longs. The were way too loose! :D Then tried on some 2 Longs from American Eagle. They were kinda loose but still fit and were long enough. Got one pair cause that's all they had :/ I hate being tall!

Any who. On to the food. I got 2 apples, 1 avocado, 1 bell pepper, 1 sweet potato, whole wheat pitas, sourdough bread loaf, vegan turkey, vegan cheese slices, tofu, 3 vegan soy yogurts, hummus, potato samosa, vegan chicken nuggets, frozen tofu pocket thing (sorta like a hot pocket), some pretzel sticks, and vegan soy ice cream, some vegan cookies, and a pack of vegetable sushi. Holy shit I sound like a fat ass! This should last me 3 or so weeks. (At least) I got things convinent to make/ pack for school. I wont eat it at school though, I'll bring it home and eat it as a snack to be able to have energy to do homework. That hurt my hands to type. Homework. Homework. Homework. Now I can't eat.

I had the sushi today and some vegan ice cream. and part of the cookie. I shared with my mom. I should have given it all to her. I ate like 4 luna bars. 3 of them were mini sized though. I also ate an orange and a pack of apples from subway and like 3 teaspoons of chickpeas. So all together I ate around 1300 calories. That is like not enough for the normal person, but I an anorexic and that is a bad binge! I dont think I could eat anything else if I tried.

This morning I weighed like 123 or 122. Now that I've been a pig, I weigh 125, but it'll go back down. I'll make it. I think I am going to fast tomorrow. Who's with me? I think once school gets going I'm going to do a 5 day fast. I will go ahead and schedule it to know not to buy more food! Okay this will happen August 29th and go till September 2nd! Okay I'm excited for this fast! :) I know I can do it!

Okay :) Thinspo time!

This is like the best thigh gap I have ever seen. I WANT NEED it!

I want her body!

And hers! Actually, all of theirs! ^.^


Yep, that's my weight ^. I know it's gonna go up since I'm buying food today, but all Incan do is eat as little as possible and make thin happen! I think if I lost about 5 more pounds from now I would be almost perfect! With an extremely flat stomach and a larger thigh gap! I'll get there one day. Anyways I don't have a specific diet, besides a vegan one ^.^ I just try to eat as little as I can. :) I think I can make it to 120 on Wednesday when I start school! I'll post a picture if I do! Speaking of pictures, next post will have thinspo, I promise! I'm on my iPod right now and that is sorta hard to do :/ I hope all is well with you guys :) let me know! I thank everyone for following me and commenting! It let me know I'm not alone. Anyone want to be Ana buddies just email me at :)!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Saturday Aug 6th

Today I was planning on juice fasting, but my mom cooked pasta and I didnt want to give her any reason to think I dont eat, so I made me some. It was a very small amount, but now I'm stuffed. Today my sister said I was so skinny. But thats nothing new. I still weigh about 125 and almost 124. I would love to be 120 by Wednesday when school starts, but I'll just see how everything goes.

Yesterday my glamour magazine came in the mail and today my seventeen magazine! :) I love my magazines lol. Those aren't the only reading I'm doing though. I have to read the damn scarlet letter. It is so boring. I hate it, but it must be done.

I go food shopping tomorrow. I'm excited, but not because of the obvious... food, the enemy. Also I just tried a Luna bar. Its vegan and amazing! I really liked the white chocolate macadamia nut one, but  i only tried 2, so yeah lol definitely getting a few of those. Although they are sorta high in calories. 180 per bar. If I eat them, I'll only eat them, like on a day at school after school, since I never eat breakfast or lunch. I'm excited for school! Less time to eat. Although I wish I had my schedule. :/

Also, if you need some good music that has meaning. Listen to any song by Pink Floyd. Like I have said before, they are my life. Literally lol most of their songs are directly related to my life.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Take it easy

I began eating, not a lot though, just a lot for an anorexic. I'm 125. I cant wait to break this mold and switch it for a smaller one. 

So I've had my belly button piercing for 3 days now. It is amazing. The guys I've showed said it was hot/sexy. The guy I have talked about before with the gf has been texting me a lot lately. I think he may be starting to like me more. It's time for me to get in the game. I've been sitting on the bench too long and I want to win. We'll see how this works out. Heres my piercing and my fat. :/ I will get ride of that fat!

If I was skinnier that would be a perfect picture! When I lost more I'll take the same pic again and show ya'll :)

I go food shopping sunday or monday. I'm going to make healthy choices and anorexic choices. 

I'm going to beat the food.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Just thought I should share this.

When I saw crazy stupid love yesterday one of the girls that had been on america's next top model was in it. Analeigh. Well  of course she is so skinny and I found this picture of her in a pink floyd shirt. Pink Floyd is my life! They are my favorite band. <3

August is here.

And so are cravings! I can't give in though.

Today I ate 9 small grapes and 2 carrot sticks. That equals about 40 calories! Which is kinda a lot for that. Oh well. Gonna get on the treadmill soon. I'll probably only burn 100 calories, but I'll see how far I can push myself. Also I'm going to do 400 crunches. I hate them, but they need  to be done.

I'm excited about my belly button piercing tomorrow! Although I still weigh 125 and my belly is still huge! Once I get it, I'll see how gross it looks on my while I'm fat and know I need a change! Stay strong everyone! :)