Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 1... seriously

I dont know what is wrong with me. Since the last post I have been eating and eating and eating. I am going on vacation in 5 days. I am doing a 5 day fast. We are going to a water park and I can not be this fat.

I ate this morning and forced myself on the scale.... terrifyingly high numbers. I will not let this happen again. A new month is beginning and I will not let the failures of my past stop me this time.

I read a quote last night online... "You can be as skinny as you want. There are no restrictions." I will live my life by this now.

I will keep updating you on my 5 day journey. No matter what I will not eat.

I have not done anything exciting since last I wrote besides getting my industrial and tragus piercing. <3 in love with them.

Now time for some much needed thinspiration.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The vegan life

Today was my first full day as a vegan anorexic.... I love it! I didnt eat all day till after I went swimming, shopping, and to the grocery store to buy food that a vegan can eat. I got stuff to make hummus, cherry tomatoes, a red bell pepper, celery, carrots, and some boca burgers... the original vegan kind :). This food should last me till the end of the month lol.

My stomach has definitely shrunk. I used to be able to eat everything plus the kitchen sink, but now I cant. I got full from a little bowl of carrots + tomatoes and hummus. I feel really stuffed though. Next time I eat it I'm really going to have to cut back the portion size!

This morning before me and my sister went to the pool, she looked at me in my bikini with a disgusted look on her face and said "You're soo skinny!" and I was thinking.... psssshhhh are you looking at me??? I am huge!

Well like I said, I weighed 124 this morning, I need to be 120 by the middle of next week! No excuses!

I know that somebody knows

Today, well last night, was the first time, first person ever ( real life ) I told I was anorexic to. I know I can trust him though and he is a really great friend. I think I may like him :/ but I don't know what to do. Ugh don't you just wish life had a rewind button sometimes so when you made the wrong decision you could fix it? I do.

It's now official.

I have officially announced to the world via Facebook and spoken communication that I am a vegan :)! I love this. I just weighed myself and it was 124 or 123 I couldn't really tell, but my stomach is flattening and Im glad I actually started doing what I said I was going to.

Now that I'm vegan, I can't have any animal products. No honey, milk, eggs, cheese, butter. None of that and lots of other stuff. I have been doing my research and found out a lot that I can't eat. I do this strictly, some vegans and vegetarians are that, just loosly like they may eat fish or meat every now and again.... Umm no, sorry but u are not a vegetarian if u do that. So yea, I love it and it keeps me away from a lot of food. Like most that I usually would go to to eat, I can't anymore :)

Well just an update. And I can't sleep... Ugh. I'm gonna try though! Stop eating and stay strong! :)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

My thinspo quote

You have a perfect body under all that fat, why let it go to waste? ;)


My shorts are looser!!!! I'm pretty happy about that! Just wanted to share :)

progress makes it all worth while

Yesterday I wanted to eat, not necessarily because I was  hungry, but just because I wanted to taste something. So I remember something that I read a while ago that if you want to eat, get something and chew then spit it back out. I did that with one chocolate rice cake. It felt good to resist actually eating. I did not eat yesterday.

Today I'm going to the movies with my sister. Gonna wear some tight short shorts today and hope they are a bit looser than when I got them. I weighed myself this morning and I was 125. I'm not gonna eat again until I'm 120. I will drink though. I drank some orange juice this morning because I was feeling light headed and that is supposed to help. I took some pictures yesterday and there is two that I really like. I hope I can be thinspiration for you :)

I'll post before and after pictures when I get down to the after I want. But heres some more thinspo :) Stay strong and know that it is achievable! 

Monday, June 6, 2011

Love this

I haven't really eaten besides some blueberries and raspberries such as I said yesterday, but I feel so good not having all that fattening food in me. Usually all I can do is 3 days of not really eating, but this just feels so good I'm gonna go as long as I can or until I'm down to 120. And again I did what I said I wasn't going to do. I weighed myself, but that number is not going to get to my head. When I look in the mirror the results that I want are not there. And really the scale number dosnt matter, it is what you look like that counts and if you look like a big bucket of fat then you know you need to stop stuffing fat lardy food into your fat ass mouth and lose weight. Anyways that is my plan. This one guy that I am in love with since last year messages me and said we should hang soon. We are friends... With one way benefits haha. He gets the benefits All I get is being able to have the pleasure of watching him go out with this skinny ass big boobed mother fucking slut. Anyways I was her BFF in 6th and 7th and part of 8th grade till she became a stuck up controlling bitch. Anyways and they started going out in 9th grade and until now the summer of 10th grade. Well he started talking to me the second semester of 9th grade when he started going out with that slut. I got to know him and have been in love with him since then. The point is that he said we should hang soon again... since we had already talked about it and having some fun ;) haha but yea and I was happy about that:). Although I want to look good for him so I really need to lose this belly. Do you have any stories similar to mine? Do you think I'm being a slut? If so there is a lot more to the story, but yea. I hope you are losing weight too and any questions or if you just want to talk please email me :)

Sunday, June 5, 2011

This morning I ate some raspberries and blueberries. I only ate them because if I didn't then they would go bad and I didn't want them to be wasted since they were kinda pricey. Point being now that those are out of the way I wont really have anything much I will want/need to eat for a while so I can continue on with my fast.  I'm going to make myself wait until Tuesday to weigh myself so I can hopefully see some results, because usually if I dont see results I binge. That will never give me the results that I want.

I never knew summer could be this boring. I just lay around and watch tv or just lay on my bed doing nothing. I usually never watch tv also, so this is not fun. I wish I could be 16 already and drive and get a job. When I'm able to get a job, I'm going to work as much as I can. I wont be able to eat at work and I'll have money to buy myself rewards for losing weight and be able to save up some for college and when I finally get to move out.

Well stay strong everyone! Think about the body you want to have and that you can achieve it! It does take some work, but like that saying, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Trust that saying because it is definitely the truth!

Thinspo :)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

One day of many

So yesterday I ate. I was not planning on it, but swimming made me really hungry. I got a bit of a sunburn... or a lot, but oh well. While I was swimming, I was with this guy that really really likes me, but I'm not completely sure if I like him THAT much. Anyways it was kinda fun and afterwards I texted him and he say I looked amazing in my bathing suit. lol and I obviously didnt think so, but maybe after I lose 10 pounds.

Today I stayed on track and didnt eat, although I didnt exercise like I was planning either. As long as I didnt eat though.

Like a week ago I went to starbucks for basically the first time and got a white chocolate mocha. Mmmmmmmm that was heaven. I became addicted. I also started drinking the starbucks vanilla frappacinos from the gas stations and it is delicious! I know they are high in calories, but if thats all I consume when I have them and eat nothing else then I dont feel so guilty for having them.

Well I was looking at thinspo today and then I started to take some before pics. I was in my underwear and I started to look at more thinspo and while I was sitting there I just felt my stomach. It is soo gross and flabby. Trust me, the best reverse thinspo is yourself! It is definitely motivation to stay on track.

I plan to go atleast 5 days of fasting. Hopefully go more, but I'll see when I get there.

How are you doing? Have you been losing weight? Whats the longest fast you have done?