Thursday, July 28, 2011

State of mind

This is real now. I'm not just wanting, wanting, wanting. I'm having. I'm doing. I'm going to be perfectly thin.

I made a promise to myself. No more oreos, ever. I can do this. Also, I will never binge again. It felt bad. I'm fasting today and tomorrow. I have not eaten anything today and I will not. I made a 20 day diet. Following this diet should be fairly easy. Most days I eat only an apple or an orange or one little vegan meatball etc. I did throw in some fasting days just because I felt like it. I start school the 10th of August. The diet goes till the 17th (and starts tomorrow with another fast day). With school going on I'll have more to worry about instead of food all the time so this diet is great at the time. I'm pretty much staying 124 for now, but I know I will lose weight soon enough. I'm going to make a goal box ------------>

So my friend ;) yea well his mom decided to ride with him to his practice. Moms always ruin everything. BUT he said he will probably get to drive ALONE on Friday. I am nervous, just because I've never done anything before with a guy, but I really want to. I will do this, if I don't then I'll just regret it.

I feel like my life is a dream. With all that happened yesterday and being anorexic. I just don't know anymore. Last night I slept for like 2 hours and had this crazy dream I don't even remember and woke up at 3. I couldnt fall back asleep for another 4 hours. Do you ever have trouble sleeping? I read on this one site... which was not pro ana... that anorexics get insomnia fairly often.

Anyways if anyone is reading this, please comment. Anything. you can just put a period. I dont care, but I just want to know if anyone actually ever sees my thoughts and life.

You can be this. You will be this. Stay Strong.

1 comment:

  1. yes, when you're starving or restricting, it's very common to have trouble sleeping, also very vivid dreams.
    i just started reading your blog, and im going to keep up to date with it!
    i know how much it means to know that someone out there is interested in what you have to say and what you're going through C: