I've about told more to this blog and the people who are reading then I would/have ever told anyone. You are getting an insight at the real me. I'm pessimistic, I guess. I see the reality of things and nothing more and nothing less. Things are what they are and unless you have control of it you can't change it. I've never had a boyfriend. Definitely not because I dont want one, but because one doesnt want me. The only guys that are interested in me are creeps that add me on fb that I dont even know or wish to know. I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish someone cared about me. I wish I deserved someone to love me. But I dont have one. No one does. And I dont.
If I could kill myself right now, this very second. Trust me, I wouldnt think twice about it. Life sucks. I have to memorize a huge fucking speech for tomorrow. I can't do this shit. I was reciting it and messed up and was overwhelmed and cut myself again... I'm gonna upload some pics... (of me)
The wall by pink floyd is the most awesomest album/movie ever. Pink floyd is amazing and the wall is amazing too. If anyone watches that and actually understands it then you would really understand me pretty well. I would be lost without that movie and the songs.
^Here is one of their songs.
Well, enough of my boring fucked up life. I had to eat today. I was over at my grandparents and I got as little as I could. I didnt eat dessert. I drank water. I never want to eat again. I dont deserve to eat. Eating gives life and I dont want life... or food. A win win situation for me there. I plan to burn 250 or as much as possible calories each day after school on my treadmill. I will only drink water. No food if I can help it.
I weigh more than I want to, but then again dont we all?
Its only going to go down from here on out. 122-120 by the 30th? I will weight myself then and no sooner to see If I did it.
What do you weigh? Do you ever get depressed? What little things to you do to help keep on track?